La cucaracha

Ahh, new york. There's nothing like it. Among the critters we've gotten friendly with up here is the old fashioned roach (no, not that kind of roach, shook) , thanks to the heat and general creakiness of the building. Fortunately, ours are fairly tiny, not like the massive waterbugs from hell that used to crawl out of the drains in Harvard's oldest and most respected "House" dormitories.
I don't know why I'm writing about these fellas (and how I've gotten super at tracking them down, killing them, and smokin' em out) except to gross out any jappy readers out there. Because if you're not shaking your manicure in disgust and saying "Ewww!' and then turning on those heels and guiltily coming back for more, I'm not satisfied.

Also, note to moms: There aren't that many, okay?

Item 2:

So the story I've been working on for my little family magazine that could is about finding the perfect nanny. After interviewing an intense number of intense mothers, I started thinking about my own students and how that aggressive parental zeal was lacking in their lives. After all, working class parents don't have time or money to do the kinds of insane things the bourgeoise and or wealthy do for their kids-- but ironically (and this is why I hate capitalism) their kids need it more. Without tutoring, and nannies, and college counselors, rich kids would still be bright and literate and set up for success.

Item 3:
This is the foundation I want to start to rectify the imbalance described above:

_________

You are invited to a benefit for...
The Nest is Never Empty Foundation

Pairing empty nest manhattan parents with public high school students in the Bronx to give them:

• cultural excursions, to museums, films, and parks
• Tutoring-- to sign these kids up with tutors, literacy coaches, Kaplan, regents prep people, or what have you...
• College counseling-- from finding four-year schools, to helping with applications, to haggling for financial aid...
• Mentoring-- to check up on students' homework, social lives and emotional lives.

_________________________

Now in no way would these empty-nest boomers be replacement parents. Rather, they would use their formidable system-beating skills to help guide the families of students who weren't picked for specialized high schools, prep-for-prep, or other life-changing alternatives as young kids, but who could aim just a little higher if they had the right guide. Getting these kids into SUNYs instead of CUNYS, for instance, would be a huge accomplishment. And the insane energy so many NY parents devote to their kids would go somewhere useful, instead of to refilling their Xanax prescription or retiring to play golf.

Now, George Soros, are you reading this? Sponsor me!