Jittery Jittery Me...

A curious question for any unionites out in cyberspace:
1-How exactly does our new contract protect us from micromanagement of our bulletin boards/desk arrangements?

Tomorrow is my third observation. I have a solid lesson plan, etc, so there's no way I can get a U unless something goes horribly wrong, but still... it's an irritating hoop to jump through.

The plan is to read "mother to son" and then have the kids write "son to mother" as a way of exploring the literary element voice.

It's an easy, straightfoward lesson plan, whose success hinges largely on how delinquent my delinquents are.

Today was tough. I think it was my pre-obs nerves plus the comedown from yesterday's high, and also the realization of just how physically exhausting this job is. Now that I have locker room duty 9th period, I get home a full hour later than I used to. My soph blocks are now an HOUR AND FORTY MINUTES every single day. It's just such an incredible grind, and the more one longs for the weekend, the more slowly and painfully one is ground by the grind.

So hard to do this one day at a time thing.

But there's some happy news: I'm going to a taping of the Colbert report tomorrow night with my sig other and his lovely fam. So exciting!

Also, I'm all revved up for the Oscars. Go Heath and Jake!

Oh, SHYTE!!

Now I'm watching the really awkward scene where Marianne and Elinor and Lucy Steele and Edward are all in the parlor together...

And I'm blogging LIVE with shook the spot.

And Lucy Steele is about to be SHOT DOWN by Fanny "I am the soul of discretion" Dashwood.


****

Tomorrow I am doing "Theme for English B" with my students. I am older, and white, and a little more free... but as one of my co-teachers (also older, white and more free) pointed out to me, at MY high school, we're all inmates.

Emma Thompson is a golden goddess

Since getting home from work/errands today I've been doing little save watching Film's most sophisticated leading lady do her thang... first in the Remains of the Day, where she and Anthony Hopkins smoulder as repressed servants of a Nazi-sympathizer Lord, and then she and Kate Winslet tear it up in Sense and Sensibility, the movie I can quote more than any other (thanks to Thompson's script.) Oh, how I adore a good period drama... oh, how I would adore watching them all day.

Favorite lines from S and S?
"What care I for colds when there is such a man?" "You will care very much when your nose swells up."
"If my feelings were shallower, I could conceal them, as you do."
"Like, regard, esteem?"
"Elinor, where is your heart?"
"Willoughby! Will you not shake hands?"
And the best line ever... of course... "He did (sob!) He did!"

**********************
BUT... I digress...

Today, my first day back, was actually rather lovely, with the exception of the long long long stupid department meeting which meant that I didn't get home til six...

My kids were cute. My lesson plans solid. My sense of humor was well-rested and flexible. I had to deal with the usual... being told my blue beads made me crip, three of my frosh pretending to jump me when I did hallway duty (i used kung fu to defend myself), one of my favorites from the Jamaican connection asking me if sex with shallow penetration still meant a girl could get pregnant (OY) and three of my students quietly begining to "rank" the girls in the class. The last one was the one I really went Ape-sh*t about because I remember what it was like to be a girl in high school. But all in all, I feel I handled it well. I even had fun! And taught something. Still, time goes by so slowly, as Madonna so eloquently says.

All Good Things...

I spent the week divided between three locales... the rolling farm country of the Hudson Valley and the Hills of the Berkshires being the first, the mean streets of Manhattan the second, and the glowing red brick of a certain university in New England being the third.

Conclusions to be drawn:

*Nature is a wonderful healer.
*I love the winter olympics.
*College life is incredibly way more relaxed than working life, but there's a lot of angst there too that I sometimes let fade when staring at the past through rose-colored lenses.
*I (sort of, kind of, a litle bit) missed (some of) my students.
*I'm really on the home stretch of this year. It's been nine months since I started this gig, and the hardest nine months of the first year are behind me. With only 16 weeks until the end of the term, I shouldn't be afraid to put my best foot forward.


ON A DIFFERENT NOTE COMPLETELY:

So... many of the SNL cast/writers were surrounding me on the acela express home, inclduing jorma from the bing bong brothers, andy samberg and chris parnell smokin' that Narnia chronic, bill hedder, the new girl kristen, some guy i know i recognize who vaguely reminded me of Akroyd wearing a velour jupmsuit, hat, and huge sunglasses.
Why were they on my train?
There is a castle in a square.
The Ivy-League knows how to party.

Cool things that happened while I was pretending to listen to my ipod/be indifferent:
* they asked me to move my seat so jorma could sit with his fiancee, and andy complemented my hat
*i gave them my pen to sign their tickets
*they kept talking about "Horatio [Sanz]" and "Amy [Poehler]" and how they were eating burritos and taking the 3:10 train.
*they were complaining about seth myers leaving early this morning.
*they told a legendary story about martin lawrence's opening monolgoue where he talked about vaginal hygiene.
*they discussed how sick the smoke and liquor at the party last night made them
*chris parnell contiunally came over to the table near me, stuck his butt in the air, and showed the other cast members digital videos of the night before.
*they had a "fart sound" machine that they kept hiding in each others' seats.
*they were all drinking bloody marys and vodka red bulls.
*they actually called chris parnell "parn."


the end.

For the record, I'm sorry that I was so shy when faced with celebrities. I wish I'd had Swvl, or the hustler
or the Pasty Russian Jew or Mikey G with me to encourage more banter. I'm more the eavesdropping type, let's face it.

A journalist of the soul.

En Vacances-- Breaking News: Harvard University President Resigns

...Fellowette is enjoying her week off so so so so so so much... although her thighs are killing after a day of skiing which reminded her that once-a-month trips to the gym may not exactly count as regular excersise...also, her eyebrows now have a constant skeptical arch thanks to a very blonde eastern european woman in a sketchy broadway salon wielding a tub of wax. So much for random acts of self-indulgence.

NOW TO THE IMPORTANT STUFF:

I wanted to call my readers' attention to the brouhaha over at the hallowed academic ground of Harvard University (which I have been following totally objectively, not becuase I, like, went there or anything, umm, hehehe). There, dissent from a nearly-unified faculty has let to the resignation of the somewhat dictatorial president. If only we teachers who are far, far from the ivory tower (more like the guard tower) could give our collective egos a brush-up and stand up together, for change. But I guess those things only happen when educators get respect to begin with...

Here's the Wall Street Journal story:

*Summers to Quit Harvard Presidency*

By *DANIEL GOLDEN* and *ZACHARY M. SEWARD*
February 21, 2006; Page A3

Lawrence H. Summers, losing a power struggle with faculty after a
turbulent five years as president of Harvard University, is expected to
resign this week.

Two people familiar with the situation said last night that the former
U.S. Treasury secretary is expected to announce his resignation in
advance of a faculty vote a week from today on a motion of no confidence
in his leadership. It's unclear what plan Harvard may have for naming a
successor or when Mr. Summers's resignation will take effect.

Backing for Mr. Summers from Harvard's seven-member governing board,
known as the Corporation, has eroded in recent weeks in the face of
renewed criticism from many arts and sciences faculty members, the
people familiar with the matter said. Former U.S. Treasury Secretary
Robert Rubin, a Corporation member who pushed for Mr. Summers's
appointment in 2001, remains a supporter and was making calls on his
behalf to at least one key Harvard official last week, one person
familiar with the situation said. Several board members, including
former Duke University president Nannerl Keohane and Urban Institute
president Robert Reischauer, have been interviewing deans, faculty
members and alumni in recent weeks about Mr. Summers's performance.

Mr. Summers and Corporation members couldn't be reached for comment. A
Harvard spokesman declined to comment.

Mr. Summers's supporters, and even some of his detractors, say they are
worried it will be difficult for Harvard to find a strong successor now
that the faculty has demonstrated its clout. His propensity for
controversial comments on educational and national issues was regarded
by admirers as a welcome change from other college presidents who devote
themselves primarily to fund raising. His resignation could renew
concerns about whether presidents of elite universities can use their
"bully pulpit" as they once did to express opinions on vital issues
without risking their positions.

Mr. Summers's resignation would end the shortest stint of any Harvard
president since Cornelius Felton died in 1862 after two years in office.
The Corporation selected Mr. Summers, a renowned economist, as a strong
leader who would assert his authority over entrenched fiefdoms. His
achievements include establishing an institute on stem-cell research,
increasing faculty size and expanding Harvard's campus.

However, a number of his initiatives, including curriculum reform, have
bogged down. His brusque management style and sometimes outspoken views
have offended faculty members and led to turnover among deans.

Arts and sciences faculty members voted no confidence in Mr. Summers
last year after he gave a talk suggesting that innate gender differences
might account for the relative scarcity of women with high-level
academic careers in science and math. Faculty critics this year began
assailing him on matters varying from the resignation of a key dean to
the lack of any university discipline meted out to economics professor
Andrei Shleifer, a close friend of the president. Last year, Harvard and
Mr. Shleifer settled a civil suit brought by the federal government,
stemming from allegations that he had violated conflict-of-interest
rules by investing in financial markets in Russia while heading a
foreign-aid program there.

*Write to *Daniel Golden at dan.golden@wsj.com ^1

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB114049614996078827.html

Editor's Note:
This story was broken by a close friend of fellow-ette's-- not the same author of the infamous letter to the administator, but someone in the same category of badass people harnessing the mighty power of the pen to do justice. Mazel Tov.

Oy.

In the last period of the last day before break, five new students walked into my classroom because their class ha dbeen broken up. My freshmen, who have been good recently, proceeded to show off to them by cursing, chasing each other, and generally being totally disruptive.

Sent Back to Class...

GRADSCHOOL UPDATE:

Today in my literacy class we had a giant bitchfest about incompetent, nasty administrators, students who have learned how to con the system, ridiculously overscheduled days, and mostly our own frustration and impotence in the face of these obstacles. We all feel like we're pushing against a brick wall, with an occasional movement that spikes our hopes briefly. That group revelation, combined with the whole world of teacher blogging out there (thanks, other teacher-bloggers, for linking to me, I hope to return the favor soon!) that I'm discovering, makes me feel less alone.

One of my classmates suggested that the best solution to the corruption and decay seen by all of us in the public school system is to "blow up all the schools-- and some administrators-- and start from scratch." The entire room seemed to agree. I fantasize about hundred of little red schoolhouses, run with the spirit and care that wealthy parents would expect and ALL students deserve.

The one thing I felt that distanced me from the other teachers, besides my avowed youth, naivete and bewilderment, is that I don't think my path to making a difference will continue to cut through the classroom. I miss writing, interviewing, talking about ideas too much. My new ambition is to expose public schools the way prisons have been exposed recently (fat lot of good it's done) in some high-class new york media outlet. But who knows where I'll be and what I'll do? I just feel that the wind is blowing and I'll be bidding a restless farewell to my classroom come June. Til then? My planning starts once I'm on vacation, thanks so much.

Words, words, words.

Today was Valentine's day. It was my first day back after the snow escapades, and I tried so hard to renew the positive attitude I had pre-regents week. Today we did Love-themed grammar and poetry. It was mildly successful, although the students were more interested in polling each other about who had Valentines than anything else. But what hit me as more poignant than teen loneliness/confusion was the main topic of discussion in my grad class; my kids' "home language"-- or their "primary discourse" to use education-world speak.

In other words, as I read an Edna St. Vincent Millay sonnet with all the passion I can and then ask my students to write their own sonnets in response (hoping they'll absorb some of Edna's eloquence) do I have a right to foist my preference for erudite sonnetteers onto my students, perhaps unintentionally making them feel small in their own inability to speak "standard english", whatever that is?

The die-hard liberal in me, the adolescent rebel who sympathizes too much with the 15-year olds in her keeping, wants to say no, that objectively, the home language must be valued as much as the school language, that the dominance of the school language is an arbitrary one determined by who has the money and power in society. But then I look at my students' love poems, which include such memorable lines as "love is good/it can be bad" or "i feel desire/you set my soul on fire" and am forced to relent, somewhat.

I do feel that the "home language" spoken by my students, and dictated primarily by social chatting and cliches of pop culture, HAS LIMITED them in their ability to express their feelings. And it adds to the problems they already have communicating with themselves, with others. In a sense, by our denying them a rich language, are we denying them a certain level of self-knowledge.

It is very hard, nay impossible, for me to say these things; I feel like I have no right to say that my students mediocre adolescent poetry doesn't stack up to the mediocre adolescent poetry their peers at hunter and stuyvesant are writing ("I sense a sort of jubilant obfuscation/ at this incarnation of my five-year old self" sort of stuff) which of course is equally obtuse and bland. In fact, they do stack up; they are both self-conscious cliches, both far from the truth more mature self-analysis might bring. Maybe my students' poems are more honest than the angsty stuff, but I just want them to have the TOOLS to choose. To merge their home language with Shakespeare, the way one of my English teachers who had been plucked from the streets to Princeton was so brilliantly able to do. I want them to not be limited by cliches about fire, desire, you and true. I want them to be able to look into themselves and choose from a sea of words and combinations knowingly.
*

On another note, I'd like to say best of luck to Bode Miller. The Olympics have been a most welcome distraction.
Also, I read "A Hope in the Unseen," by Ron Suskind about a kid who goes from the inner-city to the Ivy-LEague (the opposite of me, natch) and it was INCREDIBLY illuminating. I really recommend it for anyone interested in education.

Oh, the APATHY!

"The cruel uneventful state of apathy releases me"

Thus saith the shins, cute indy rockers who've crossed over into the mainstream.

The apathy I'm speaking of is universal; my own, after taking another day off due to being stranded up North in the blizzard of '06, my students' apathy as reported by the teacher who took them in today, and watched as they didn't do their work, my own, and did i mention my own? What I should be doing now: lesson planning for the week. What I am doing? running out to see the snow in central park.
and so my emotional withdrawal continues, a backslide after so many highs and so much hard work, a slide that I hope will stop its backwards slide on friday, with a much needed week off.

Fellow-ette's getting reckless

On Friday, day 3 of the "practice regents" we have been giving our sophomores, and coincidentally fellow-ette's birthday (now you know another piece of my identity. congratulations. go f*ck yourself). During the day, fellowette began sneezing, coughing, and feeling ill. Because of her weakness/usual incompetence, she had a very hard time keeping her students from celebrating her birthday FOR HER. She went home running about 102 degrees (see below) and swearing never to darken the door of baby Rikers (i.e her PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT) again. She kept that promise until (she assumes) tomorrow morning, when she returns to work with a normal temperature and a giant cavity where the chip on her shoulder used to be. Despite the birthday, she feels too young to be this grumpy.

Excerpts from an incisive, unpublished point-by-point letter of refutation of an informal observation report by a teacher dear to my heart.

This unpublished letter was received by fellow-ette in a late night transaction. It sums up a lot of the frustration many new teachers express. Whoever this myserious Mr. X is, heredity must favor his literary genes!

"Dear Ms. XXXX [Dean at a bronx middle school],

I have received your informal observation. I want to thank you for taking the time to explain to me minute by minute, student by student, and lesson component by lesson component why my teaching on the day of February 1st was so utterly incompetent. I would like to respond to each of your criticisms (in fact, your entire letter was comprised of nothing else, since not one word of it was positive, encouraging or even neutral).

You state that there was no Aim on the board. That is correct. You walked in 30 minutes after the lesson had begun. In the interest of space (math problems, alas, require ample room on the blackboard) I had erased the aim and Do now 15 minutes into class, long after every student should have finished copying them,

...

I don’t know what you mean by “behavior intervention.” Did you want me to have one on one meetings with poorly behaved students during class. I have no doubt that had I done so, your observation would have included a statement along the lines of “ met with one student while ignoring the rest of the class.”

...
As to a system of checking the work: Perhaps you failed to notice my going around to each student and looking at their work to see if it was right and to help them if it wasn’t. Perhaps you failed to hear me directing questions to the class as a whole and eliciting reponses to assess their understanding. I’m not sure what you want from me: did you expect a quiz or a test at the end of the period to assess understanding? And given the fast approaching state test, I don’t have time for extensive assessment. I have been told to move rapidly from topic to topic, hoping that as many students “get it” as possible, and that is what I am doing. In the future, rather than talking about “behavior management intervention” and “system for checking student work” I would ask they you be more specific in describing what exactly you’re looking for.

...

You complain about Stacy leaving his seat to seek help from another student. I fail to see the problem. Collaborative work is a key component of the workshop model. Although I spent a good deal of time helping Stacy during the class, I am glad he had the wherewithal to seek help from other students when I was busy. If his tablemates couldn’t assist him, then I applaud his decision to seek assistance elsewhere.

You complain that a student could not be heard while reading the extended response. Clearly then, you recognize the auditory (not auditary, as you have been know to mistakenly claim) impediments to having a full group discussion/ share at times. I don’t see how I can be faulted for trying to discuss a problem and not being able to because my students were too noisy.

My lesson plan contained a do now, an aim, the topic to be covered in the mini lesson, class work, and homework. I admit it was not lacking in brevity, and I will attempt to make my lesson plans more voluminous in the future.

...

You claim that it was “disheartening” to be in my class. Sometimes, its disheartening for me too. I care so much about these kids, and I have so much to offer them, and sometimes the noise, lack of focus, and yes, my inability or disinclination to impose my authority over them, gets in the way of my helping them achieve what I know they’re capable of. Often, it pushes me to the brink. But I don’t want to let my kids down and I believe I am the best chance they have for a good math education so I always come back and give them my best. And then I get a letter like this. How do you think that made me feel? To be thoroughly scourged and not have one positive thing said to me? Do you think it makes me want to be a better teacher? Or do you think it has a disheartening effect on me?

...

In my own defense. I love my kids, and I believe they love me. When I’m absent, they always see me the next day and say they missed me, that class was horrible without me. When another teacher does AIS or subs for them, they always come back and say “he doesn’t teach like you Mr. XXX, he doesn’t it break it down the way you do.” I may not control them, but I respect them immensely and help them whenever I can. I encourage you to watch me walk down the hall or walk into class and assess how my students feel about me. I have been given an impossible task: to get kids with emotional and behavioral issues who are years behind in math ready for a rigorous state test in mathematics. I’m doing the best I can, but your harsh criticism serves no purpose.

As to your assistance. I believe you summed it up best when, in making plans with me to visit the new teacher you spoke of , you said “we have to go, because otherwise they’ll say I’m not helping you, and I’ll get in trouble.” This is clearly your attitude, cover your own ass, and do the bare minimum so you won’t “get in trouble”. I’m sorry, but taking me to see one literacy class and showing me typed lesson plans were inadequate forms of assistance.


I want to point out that if you put half as much energy into your job as you put into this informal observation letter, the eighth grade would not be in such awful shape and our school would not be on the verge of closing down. "

Sincerely,
Mr. X [Teacher at same Bronx middle school]


fellow-ette's note:
this letter has not actually been sent yet

Second semester begins.

*how my students felt while taking the practice regents we are giving them this week.
*how I felt having lost my LOTF genius/pothead/rebellious child due to scheduling problems.
*how monday's PD is still making me feel.

But the tide will turn once again. I just have to wait for the moon to rotate and orbit and sh*t. You know how it is.